Questions and Answersmarriage-follow-up-question
Anon asked 3 years ago

thank you for responding to my question.  we are not married yet but im realizing something – in the preparation of wedding  i have put on some weight and i noticed my fiance has become critical of this.   i am questioning things now becuase if he is critival of my weight gain and we are not married what will happen when we are. how doi approach this with a catholic view?

1 Answers
Nate Guyear Staff answered 3 years ago

Well, this is a tough one.  I don’t know how old you and your fiancé are, but, as you probably know, as we get older, our metabolism tends to slow down and we naturally put on some weight.  However, this does not mean that we don’t have a responsibility to minimize our gains.  Catechism paragraph 1866 states, “Vices can be classified according to the virtues they oppose, or also be linked to the capital sins which Christian experience has distinguished, following St. John Cassian and St. Gregory the Great. They are called “capital” because they engender other sins, other vices. They are pride, avarice, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth or acedia.”
Paragraphs 1868 and 1869 state, “Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
– by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
– by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
– by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
– by protecting evil-doers.
Thus sin makes men accomplices of one another and causes concupiscence, violence, and injustice to reign among them. Sins give rise to social situations and institutions that are contrary to the divine goodness. ‘Structures of sin’ are the expression and effect of personal sins. They lead their victims to do evil in their turn. In an analogous sense, they constitute a ‘social sin.'”
Now, the vice you should ask yourself about is gluttony.  Essentially you should ask yourself: Am I gaining weight because I’m out of control with my eating habits?  Also, am I exercising as I should?  
One of the keys to a healthy moral act is temperance.  The Church defines temperance as “the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable. The temperate person directs the sensitive appetites toward what is good and maintains a healthy discretion” (paragraph 1809).
In other words, we should direct our lives to God in a way that is honorable.  Accordingly, we should find a good balance to properly form (or reform) our mind, body, and soul in ways that project God’s beauty.  This is no easy task, but God gives us every grace to accomplish it.
Regarding how to approach this with your fiancé, you should let him that you are struggling with this and why.  You should also ask for his help and patience. If you love each other, you will work through it.  But both of you should remember that you both have responsibilities to help one another and bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).  Read Galatians 6:1-10 for a wonderful explanation of how we are to help one another. 
I hope this helps.  
God bless!